At some point in the distant past, someone (an author of an article, perhaps?) distinguished for me the difference between jealousy and envy.

Jealousy is when we want something that someone else has and we don’t want them to have it.

Envy is when we want something that someone else has and we are happy that they have it.

I’m envious, for example, that one of my friends is earning her PhD. I really want my PhD, and I’m totally happy that she is earning one.

I’m also envious of my friends who live in other countries. I’m totally happy that they’re doing so, and I’m increasingly clear that I need to do so too.

Envy is incredibly useful and, I believe, healthy. I’m envious often. I envy people’s experiences, personalities, and accomplishments. I want them for myself! And, I’m super happy that they have them.

Envy holds up a mirror and says, “That thing you see in her? You also want that for yourself. Go out and make it happen!” Envy, when clearly distinguished, acts as a road map to our authentic selves. It guides us in uncovering and embracing that which we want in our own lives. Best of all, it leaves us acknowledging and appreciating others for the beauty and amazingness that they bring to the party.

When you experience jealousy or envy, see if you can distinguish one from the other. If you’re experiencing jealousy, see if you can convert it to envy. See if you can identify what it is that you want for yourself and make a plan to achieve it. Then, see if you can love and appreciate that the other person has it. It’s a win-win.

In love and liminality,

Annie Rose