I’m going through what feels like something big right now. For the last decade or more, I’ve been huffing and puffing in the realm of personal growth and development. I’ve been cultivating who I am in love and relationships and exploring who I am as an identity and human being. In all of that time, I never fully explored my relationship to money and earning money, and I never really dug into how I might make money AND be exactly who I am.
So here I am, very evolved in the area of love and relationships and a bit underdeveloped in the realm of career. I’ve enjoyed lots of great adventures over the years and I think I know to a great extent who I am at my core. But I have no idea what my contribution is in the realm of career or how to earn the living I’m now ready to earn.
I knew at the beginning of this year that I would be exploring this. I didn’t know it would be so fucking uncomfortable. It turns out I have my career and how I earn income collapsed with my self-worth and purpose for living. I feel very worthy and purposeful when I’m not focused on money; and I feel very unworthy and purposeless when I am focused on money. The logical solution here is to not focus on money, but that’s not what I want. I want to be free. I want to focus on money and feel worthy and purposeful. I just don’t know how to get there.
So I’m diving in. I’m exploring what feels like a beast. I’m going to devote myself to this as I once did to love and relationships and see what is revealed.
Wish me luck.
In love and liminality,