I’m currently taking the Money Seminar through Landmark Education. The intention of the seminar is to transform my relationship to money to one of freedom and power.

It does not teach me how to be rich, make money, or take care of my finances. Instead, it gives me access to transforming the way I relate to money. Pretty cool, I must say.

In the beginning of the seminar, I was instructed to write down my relationship to money. Here’s what I wrote:

• I don’t know how to make money.
• I have no idea how much money I’ll make.
• I have no control over how much money I’ll make.
• I don’t work hard enough to make money.
• People are poor or rich. Money is good or bad, right or wrong.
• It’s my fault I don’t have much money. (I’m lazy and incapable.)

I then wrote that I really love money! It provides security, comfort, ease, challenge (like a good puzzle), room for generosity, and space to easily do more (travel, etc.).

I also wrote that I really hate money! It’s scary. It’s out of my control. It’s the root of all evil.

The assignment then asked us to come up with a statement that captures our overall experience of money. Mine was clear: Money is elusive, troublesome, and completely out of my control.

Totally empowering, eh? I cannot imagine why I’ve resisted making and having money my whole life.

I also noticed a quirky habit of mine. When I have very little money and no stability, I spend more and act less responsibly. When I have more money and stability, I spend frugally and act more responsibly. That seemed strange to me—didn’t it make more sense to spend carefully in those moments of low income and financial insecurity? My actions seemed strange and out of my control.

Our next assignment asked us to write down our families’ relationship to money. For three pages, I wrote about my parents’ relationship to money, my grandparents’ relationship to money, and my own relationship to money. By the end, I had a super simple insight: While I was growing up, my mom always had very little money. She spent more than she had, and she sometimes acted irresponsibly. (Mind you, this is not necessarily the truth—this was based on my perspective as a little girl.) Meanwhile, my dad and stepmom always had enough money. Not a lot, but enough. They always spent frugally and acted responsibly with money.

 The habits I had formed for spending my own money were directly correlate to how I perceived my parents had spent their money. I simply inherited their habits and relationships to money.

This whole time I thought I was in charge. I thought I was the adult who made decisions about my financial lifestyle. But no. My brain was in charge, and it was programmed by a little girl. It told me what to do in various financial situations.

And my parents inherited their habits from their parents, and my grandparents inherited their habits from their parents, and my great-grandparents inherited their habits from their parents. None of us have been at choice. It’s a bit ridiculous, really.

The assignment then asked us to create a new possible relationship to money. If our inherited ideas and brains weren’t in charge, what would we create?

I began to explore. I wrote:

I know I love perfection. I love budgeting and sticking to a budget. I love the challenge of living inexpensively and taking care of my resources. I love giving money to people. I love having freedom. I love being mentally free from concern. I gain great satisfaction from paying my bills and still having money in my accounts. I love the look and feel of cash. I love being able to help people when they need help. I love giving gifts to people.

Through my journaling, I arrived at a point of inspiration.

I took on being at choice. I get to decide how I relate to, grow, and utilize my resources. I don’t have to please anyone, and I don’t have to feel guilty about my perceived shortcomings. I don’t even have any shortcomings—I just have my inherited, and certainly not created, relationship to money.

I also took on being cause in the matter of growing my financial resources. This means that I can take clear, steady actions towards realizing my financial goals. I don’t have to pay attention to any of the pesky voices that try to convince me that money is elusive, troublesome, and completely out of my control.

I get to make money, and I get to have fun doing it.

My life already feels different!

The seminar has ten sessions, and tonight is my fourth. I’ll keep you posted as I have insights and continue to transform my relationship to money!

In love and liminality,

Annie Rose